30 Random Facts About Me

In no particular order, I might add.

  1. I liked the movie Left Behind (Kirk Cameron version)
  2. As a teen, I’d practice kissing my shower wall…You’re welcome, Jon.
  3. I won’t ever sing to my fullest potential around anyone other than my dog.
  4. Out of the three movies, High School Musical 2 is my favorite.
  5. I’ve never read/seen Harry Potter…because witchcraft.
  6. I once accidentally called my 4th grade teacher ‘dad’…and I still have not recovered from that humiliation.
  7. I sometimes wish I still lived in a dorm with all my closest friends.
  8. I tried to teach my mom how to give birth when I was 5. Caleb was born, so obviously she didn’t do it right.
  9. In elementary, I never knew how to keep and stay friends with someone, so every school year I’d drop the previous year’s friend and find a new one.
  10. My mother shopped for me well into my college years.
  11. I always wanted a sister but I think God knew I’d hate her and bully her.
  12. the #3 is my favorite number.
  13. My dream job: to be an actress on a very successful comedy show…or to be a MUA.
  14. I am not a people pleaser and controlling people don’t like that about me. (See #25)
  15. I have a strong need to control situations but not people.
  16. As a kid, I didn’t understand that dating was a thing. I assumed you got married first and then had a boyfriend. In my child mind, of course you marry the first boy you like.
  17. I can count on one hand how many times I cooked pre-marriage—also while married. All on the same hand.
  18. I really loved high school. Every part of it.
  19. My dad wanted me to be a singer and I told him that was his dream, not mine.
  20. I chose Bible College over Debby Ryan’s agent.
  21. I’ve had my future children’s names picked out for years. Now Jon thinks he can come in here and make changes.
  22. I have a 6th sense when it comes to identifying fake-ness in people.
  23. I’m funnier over social media than in person.
  24. My mom taught me to choose my friends wisely, they don’t choose me.
  25. When I started public school at 2nd grade, she taught me that not everyone is going to like me. That freed me from potentially becoming a people pleaser.
  26. I’m a harsh judge when someone hasn’t learned a lesson I’ve already learned.
  27. I graduated from bible college and a private university all so I can be a stay at home mom someday and I don’t feel any less for that. A relative once tried to shame me for that telling me we needed to be more than our moms. If I could be even just a fraction of the mother my mom is, that’s worth more than my two degrees and all that relative’s schooling.
  28. In elementary, I told my principal about my PE coach making inappropriate comments to me. I never saw that coach again.
  29. I’ve always been in some sort of leadership position, and if I’m honest, I find my identity in being able to lead. For the first time in years, I’ve not been in a leadership role. It’s uncomfortable, humbling, hard. But also refreshing in a weird way.
  30. I experienced anxiety and symptoms of depression for the first time in my life when I felt stuck in my customer service job. It got so bad to the point of calling in sick when I had already parked in the work parking garage because I could not bring myself to get out of my car and face the day.

 

If you read all this, thanks for sticking it out haha! I tried to choose interesting, random and vulnerable facts about myself. I also found it a bit hard to come up with these. Comment below with an odd fact about yourself! I’d love to know I’m not the only random weirdo on the internet!

Forgiveness & Grace

Growing up in a legalistic denomination, I didn’t really grow up with a good understanding of what forgiveness and grace was. True forgiveness and true grace.

A couple years ago I was hurt deeply by some people, people that should never ever want to intentionally hurt me and my family. I’ve harbored unforgiveness, anger, hatred and malice in my heart since. I made anger and bitterness my idols.

I swore up and down that these people did not deserve MY forgiveness. They didn’t deserve anything good to happen to them.

It wasn’t until recently that I’ve started going through this sort of group therapy through my church. It’s called Redemption Groups. The goal is to understand that we are suffering sinners, to meet Jesus in our suffering and to see Him as our Redeemer through it.

I shared my story with a group of incredible women. A lot of crying out of anger. A lot of seeing myself as the victim, faultless, and sinless.

My incredible facilitators lovingly showed me that I’d been in habitual sin these last couple of years–the anger, the bitterness, the hatred, the malice.

I had to repent. Learning this about myself broke me. I am a suffering sinner. Not just suffering. I’ve sinned against God by living this way.

As I was driving to Oklahoma this past week for my best friend’s wedding, I felt the sudden urge to turn the radio off and pray. I knew the Lord wanted me to pray about forgiving those people that hurt me. But instead I avoided that topic and prayed about some other things that seemed to be a bit more convenient to pray about. Then it was like I had run out of words and the Lord, yet again, brought “forgiveness” back to mind.

I immediately started crying (I’m driving down a highway, y’all). I begin talking to Him out loud as if He’s sitting in the passenger seat. I tell Him I want to forgive them and release this invisible grip I’ve had on them but I just don’t know how.

He led me to repentance right then and there. Not just confessing my habitual sin but truly repenting, choosing to turn away from those sins and placing Him in His rightful place. I asked Him to forgive me. I was completely overcome by His forgiveness AND grace!

Now follow me here, readers…this is where it gets real good.

He asks me “how do you feel when you give a good gift to a friend?” I respond with “Well, I’m proud to give them the gift, cant wait for them to receive it, they’re gonna love it. I feel so much joy” He says “THAT. That is the attitude to have when you give my forgiveness as a gift.” I was blown away. I needed that illustration to understand that it’s not ‘my forgiveness’ I’m giving. It’s His forgiveness that’s been first given to me as a gift. It’s much more costly.

THEN…

For the first time, I was overcome with compassion for these people. The Lord had softened my heart towards them and told me that they are lost in their sin. They don’t know any better as unbelievers. But me, someone who claims to follow Christ, I betray Him daily. I used to think I was better than them. But I am NO better than them. It’s almost like I’m worse because I know what I’m doing when I sin against Him. But they are lost. They don’t know any better. How could I hold that against them?

I told Him that I release them, finally. I let go of the grip I’ve had over them because I want them to experience the very thing I was experiencing that moment in the car– His forgiveness and grace!!!

As I told the Lord that I forgive them, (by name, I might add. I couldn’t do that before.) I felt a heavy weight lift off my chest. I felt like I could breathe. When I spoke their names, it didn’t follow with a curse and it didn’t leave a bad taste in my mouth.

HOW?! How can so much change in my heart in a matter of 1 hour in a car?!

 

Friends, His forgiveness and grace.

Relinquishing my control, turning them over to Jesus so that He can do His perfect work in their lives. So that they can experience His grace and forgiveness. THAT is a better story than me having this invisible grip over them, than me wishing bad things on them, than me thinking I have the power and control to hurt them the way they hurt me.

He is better.