Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water?
I’ve known for some time now that I can be a very angry person. It doesn’t take much for me to get angry (I hate this about myself). Something can piss me off and my entire day is centered on my anger (yet another thing I hate about myself).
I one time heard a guy at church share some of his story and he mentioned that he used to be a very angry person. I remember very clearly judging him and thinking “Ugh, there’s nothing worse than an angry man. I bet he’d hit his ex and that’s why they’re not together. I bet he just let his rage out and would yell at anyone”. Again, not very proud of myself here. Honestly, I don’t even know this guy, never spoken to him, so I have LITERALLY no clue what his anger looked like.
Now that I’m struggling with my own anger issues I realize that anger doesn’t rear its ugly head in the ways I imagined it would. The biggest way I see anger is when I’m driving. Yep. Road rage.
I’ve had no problem flashing my brights aggressively at the car in front of me, I lay on my horn when the person in front doesn’t immediately go on green, I yell, I move my hands like an Italian as I’m yelling, and I’ve also flipped some people off (again, not super proud of myself right now).
Jon has told me more times than I can count that one day I’m going to get shot by someone I piss off on the road. That comment doesn’t usually go over well with me.
At my Bible study earlier this week, the Lord interrupted my listening to the leader and He very clearly asked me the following question:
“How can you be in my Word daily and still spew out anger? How can your heart still be filled with so much anger?”
Then he answered it for me.
“My Word was given to you not simply as information but for transformation.”
Do not be conformed to this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind…
Immediately my heart was convicted. Here I was at Bible study, studying the Bible every day, at church on Sundays singing my heart out to Him, raising my hands high, telling God how awesome, wonderful, perfect He is and that He makes no mistakes. But the second I get in my car, I’m yelling at the person beside me and calling them an a*hole!
How can both fresh water and salt water come from the same spring? It can’t.
All this studying of the Word but I’m not allowing it to change me. I’m sharing this with y’all because I wanted to include you in this. Not really sure why. If you’re battling with anger as well, know you’re not alone.
My prayer this week since having this conversation with the Lord has been “Make me aware of my words before I speak them, help me to recognize when my anger is starting to bubble up and give me the self-control to not act out. And I surrender every moment of this day to You.”
If you think of me, pray for me. If you are thinking of me randomly, it’s probably because I need the prayer.
Thank you for reading this far,